Most people with a beating heart want to be loved. Oh yes, I am certain that psychiatrists would be quick to point out there is a certain tiny percentage of humans who feel no love and have no need to be loved. But overwhelmingly, most of us crave the feeling of warm acceptance, or being valued for simply who we are, and nothing else.
But there is another “I-need-it-and-I-will-get-it-no-matter-what” that has surfaced in recent years. Driving a large segment to do and say things that in former generations would have been unthinkable.
To what am I referring? People demanding respect from others. Countless song lyrics mandating respect from the world-at-large have clogged the airwaves. Speakers holding microphones are droning on endlessly about ‘their rights.’ A never-ending stream of lawyers, representing the self-declared downtrodden who feel their rights have been trampled, are holding forth in our country’s courtrooms, demanding their due.
Every one of these are looking for that feeling of respect that will make them feel vindicated and worthy. And whether that validation comes in the form of financial compensation (always acceptable, of course) an abject public apology, a better position within the company where they work, or all the above combined, compensation for not feeling respected is being demanded. And sometimes, even coerced.
In many instances, this demand is not even workplace or relationship based. It is internal - based solely on the need that everyone around them accepts and extols their choices. Whether those around them personally accept and feel like extolling those personal choices or not.
Wanting and needing respect from others is a natural for us humans. We were made with an in-born desire to be recognized and valued for who we are and what we contribute. Nothing wrong in my eyes in desiring the respect of others.
But here is my problem with today’s demand for respect.
A person has to be respect-able. The kind of person whom the people around you are quite willing and able to hold in high regard. Forcing respect to come from others won’t happen. No matter how much you try to decree it into being – you cannot force people to respect you.
Some examples; People will have trouble respecting you as a great spouse, if they know that you have been in fact cheating on your husband/wife. If you abuse defenseless children, you deserve absolutely no one’s respect. You probably will not be extolled as Employee Of The Month at your company if you are lazy on the job. And you certainly won’t be publicly lauded and applauded for lying and stealing, and then blaming someone else when you get caught.
You cannot command or demand respect from anyone, when your behavior is trashy and despicable. YOU HAVE TO EARN RESPECT! Having people’s respect isn’t your God-given right as a human being. Respect for you and your behavior is given when you respect yourself enough to realize who you can, and should be. And set about to be that person, someone who is respect-able.
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